On Bi Visibility Day 2018, we hear from our Secretary General on the discrimination and stigma she has faced as a bisexual woman and why we need to own being bi. Bi Visibility Day has been celebrated since 1999, in order to highlight the achievements of the bi community and tackle discrimination. The day, which takes place on 23 September, also marks the start of Bisexual Awareness Week, which runs until 30 September. If you have a story to share for Bisexual Awareness Week, drop us an email at contact@ifm-sei.org.

I often prefer to use the term queer as an all-compassing term for my sexual identity. Although I have been aware of my bisexuality for more than half of my life, I still don’t feel comfortable with identifying as bi. Why? Because of the stigma attached to the term, of feeling like my sexuality is invalid, and due to a lack of understanding about the bi identity. Let me explain: I’m attracted to people of different genders. At one point in time, I may have more relationships with someone of one gender, but I am still bisexual whether I’m dating a woman, a man or a person who is non-binary or genderqueer. This concept seems quite hard for some people to grasp - I haven’t ‘turned’ straight if I’m dating a man. I have also shied away from the term bi because I don’t want to be made to feel like I am betraying the queer community by being attracted to men, something I’ve been made to feel way too often.

So why do we need bi visibility? According to the Office for National Statistics in the UK, it is thought that 0.8% of the British population are bisexual. What it also shows is that bi people are less likely to be out than gay or lesbian identifying folks, and that bisexuals suffer from a higher level of anxiety and are less happy than other sexualities. While part of this reason is no doubt the stigma and discrimination, I feel a significant part of this is down to the invisibility of bisexuality in daily life – this is known as bi erasure. How many openly bi celebrities are you aware of? We see very few bi characters or positive bi role models being presented in film, TV and other media. In education, both the formal and non-formal sectors, we often gloss over bisexuality and sexual fluidity even if LGBTQI is addressed as a topic.

In addition to the prejudice and discrimination bi people face on an individual level, the little bi representation in the media tends to be designed with a voyeuristic male audience in mind. This is particularly true in porn, which frames bisexuality as something existing for male pleasure. We also hear this is real life as well; sadly in some cases I’ve experienced this from male partners. The perception of bisexuality being for the purpose of male satisfaction is both demeaning and a form of erasure. There is a huge amount of bi slut shaming and an assumption that bi people are more promiscuous than their straight or gay counterparts. This is characterised by the ‘joke’ that bi people are greedy, something that is uttered almost without thought but as a bi person I’m quite tired of hearing. We are taught that bisexuality is a behaviour rather than an identity.